Newt Gingrich: Republicans Face Real Disaster

Posted by Cliff Schecter, Cliff Schecter's Blog at 4:30 AM on May 8, 2008.

What? The hyper-organized, disciplined, get-out-the-message, self-righteous Republicans are in trouble? Quick! Call for help! Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… it’s … ::cricket, cricket::

Shellshocked House Republicans got warnings from leaders past and present Tuesday: Your party’s message isn’t good enough to prevent disaster in November, and neither is the NRCC’s money.

Oh no! What’s a Republican to do? Ooo! Ooo! I know! Pick me! Solution: Every man for himself!

The double shot of bad news had one veteran Republican House member worrying aloud that the party’s electoral woes — brought into sharp focus by Woody Jenkins’ loss to Don Cazayoux in Louisiana on Saturday — have the House Republican Conference splitting apart in “everybody for himself” mode.

This is one dire situation. There’s gotta be a superhero around here somewhere. Wait! Who’s that undressing in that phone booth? Why, it’s Newt “Looks-Unappealing-In-Tights” Gingrich!

In a piece published in Human Events, the Republicans’ onetime captain, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, warned his old colleagues that they face “real disaster” on Election Day unless they move immediately to “chart a bold course of real reform” for the country.

Some superhero. Put your suit and tie back on, Newt, I’m starting to feel a little queasy. And don’t forget your pants this time. O-ohhh, having trouble squeezing out of that tiny phone booth?

And in a closed-door session at the Capitol, National Republican Congressional Committee Chairman Tom Cole (R-Okla.) told members that the NRCC doesn’t have enough cash to “save them” in November if they don’t raise enough money or run strong campaigns themselves…

But Cole’s overall message was clear, said members who sat through the meeting: “If you’re not out doing your own work, and you’re waiting for the NRCC to come in at the last minute and save you, it ain’t gonna happen.” That’s how one lawmaker characterized Cole’s talk, adding that the NRCC is “not going to have the resources” to help all members “and Democrats will have a lot more money.”

Republicans are suffering a crisis of confidence after the two special election losses. There’s talk that House Minority Leader John A. Boehner and other GOP leaders could be ousted if the party suffers double-digit losses in November.

Boehner, turn in your cape. You’ve been Kryptonited Democrat-nited. Hold on! Someone’s calling Newt on the FatPhone! Awww, bad news:

“The Republican brand has been so badly damaged that if Republicans try to run an anti-Obama, anti-Rev. Wright or, if Sen. Clinton wins, anti-Clinton campaign, they are simply going to fail,” Gingrich said. “This model has already been tested with disastrous results.”

So who can the Republicans turn to? Who can swoop in and save them? Why, who better than Lame Duck Man!

House Republicans will hold a rally with President Bush on Wednesday morning, with all 199 members invited to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. to show solidarity with the president, according to GOP sources.

Okay, that’s a wrap. Strike the phone booth. Anyone wanna buy a used cape?