Gates says 2nd carrier in Gulf is ‘reminder’ to Iran

Posted by Cliff Schecter, Cliff Schecter's Blog at 3:35 AM on April 30, 2008.

Nervous? Me?….

Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Tuesday that sending a second U.S. aircraft carrier to the Persian Gulf could serve as a “reminder” to Iran, but he said it’s not an escalation of force.

No, no, of course it isn’t. We trust Gatesy completely.

Speaking to reporters after meeting with Mexican leaders, Gates said heightening U.S. criticism of Iran and its support for terror groups is not a signal that the administration is laying the groundwork for a strike against Tehran.

Just because I’m holding a gun to your head and shaking my fist in your face, why in the world would you think that’s intimidating? I’m just reminding you that you will feel intense pain and might possibly notice severe bruising. If you’re at all concerned that a bullet could find a way into your skull, well, that’s just you being all paranoid and stuff.

Still, he said Iran continues to back the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Still, it would be all your fault if the gun went off. Not mine.

Gates played down the addition of a second carrier to the Gulf, saying that the number of ships there rises and falls continuously. He said he doesn’t expect there to be two carriers there for a long time.

Don’t think twice about the switchblade I just pulled out of my shoe. The number of weapons I bandy about rises and falls continuously, depending on my mood. I don’t expect there to be a gun and a knife there for long. Just the gun. And my fists. Or maybe the knife and my fists. Decisions, decisions. Gosh, you know me, good ol’ trigger-happy Laffy! Expect the unexpected! Aren’t I the most adorably unpredictable psycho ever?

Asked if the carrier move went hand in hand with the rising U.S. rhetoric against Iran, Gates said, “I don’t see it as an escalation. I think it could be seen, though, as a reminder.“

Silly you! I don’t see the gun, knife, and 2 fists as threat! I guess, though, if you really want to split hairs, it could be seen as a reminder… of how I could kill you at any moment.

Sleep well.