Blackwater Changes Its Name, Shall Now Be Called the Knights Who Say 'Xe'

Posted by Jeremy Scahill, AlterNet at 11:25 AM on February 13, 2009.

In Monty Python And The Holy Grail, the Knights Who Say "Ni" are a bizarre band of forest-dwelling pirates, headed by a 12-foot-tall leader with antlers on his helmet. The Knights are charged with protecting a series of sacred words (including the word "Ni"), which, if heard by mortal ears, cause horrible pain and suffering. "Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!" King Arthur tells his companions when he and his entourage encounter the Knights in the forest. The King and his men cower at the very mention of the word, "Ni" before the Knights demand a sacrifice in return for safe passage: a shrubbery. King Arthur bows in respect. "O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair and we will return with a shrubbery." But when they do, the Knights are intent on extorting King Arthur and his men. Their leader informs the King that they are no longer the Knights Who Say "Ni." Now they are the Knights Who Say, "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing..." Thus, the King must now pass a new test: bring them another shrubbery and, while he's at it, "cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring." The King refuses this clear attempt at extortion.

Meanwhile, this just in:

Today, that merry band of Knights from Blackwater Worldwide -- infamous for the killing of innocent civilians in Iraq -- having failed to have their lucrative Iraq contract renewed, have announced that they shall no longer be called "Blackwater Worldwide." They shall now be called, "The Knights Who Say 'Xe.'" Well, actually, the company will just be called "Xe," pronounced "Z." (No word yet on whether Blackwater chief Erik Prince will be donning an antler helmet.)

The renaming of Blackwater's more than two dozen businesses under the Xe banner is part of an attempted rebranding campaign launched at least a year-and-a-half ago amid widespread allegations of extrajudicial killings and misconduct. As the Associated Press reported, Blackwater officials acknowledged the need for the company to shake its past in Iraq. "It's not a direct result of a loss of contract, but certainly that is an aspect of our work that we feel we were defined by," said spokesperson Anne Tyrrell.
Now the question is whether President Obama will agree to bring the Knights Who Say "Xe" more shrubberies in the form of lucrative work in Afghanistan and beyond -- or if he will finally reject them as the extortionist mercenaries that they are.

Jeremy Scahill is the author of Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army.