Posts by Tana Ganeva

Tana Ganeva is an AlterNet editor. Follow her on Twitter.

Rich Guy Michael Wolff Bravely Fights Tyranny of Waiters, Flight Attendants
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 18, 2009 at 1:46 PM.

Do you ever wish America were ruled by the wealthy, instead of poor people working in the service industry? In Newswer today, Michael Wolff bemoans the vile oppression suffered by the upper-middle class at the hands these service-industry "tyrants". 

Mockery seems gratuitous. Also, blinding rage is making it hard to be jokey. So, just see for yourself:

Among the worst things you can do in upper-middle-class, politically-correct, don’t-call-attention-to-yourself culture is insult a service person. This is counter-intuitive because one of the things that is most often done in upper-middle-class culture is complain about service.

[...]

... while we all have experienced the tyranny of the public interface of the service economy, we continue to accept a standard of ritual and propriety which, even as we curse them privately, sees service people as an oppressed minority who shouldn’t have to be confronted with their tyrannical impulses and personal incompetence.

To do so, even though everybody has been a victim of such tyranny and incompetence, is an upper-middle-class gaucherie. It remains a signpost gaucherie even though millions of upper-middle-class people have pondered with their therapists the roots of their inability to send back a rotten dinner in a restaurant. (emphasis added.)

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God's Divine Sperm? Lib Church Shakes Up Story of Jesus' Birth
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 17, 2009 at 1:53 PM.

A progressive New Zealand Church wants you to know that not all Christians are lame. To that end, they've put up a billboard displaying a post-coital Mary gazing longingly at the sky (that's where God lives), while Joseph lays next to her looking dejected. It reads "Poor Joseph. God was a tough act to follow."

The purpose of the billboard, according to St. Matthew's website , is to highlight the absurdity of literal Biblical interpretation. "The Christmas billboard outside St Matthew-in-the-City lampoons literalism and invites people to think again about what a miracle is. Is the miracle a male God sending forth his divine sperm, or is the miracle that God is and always has been among the poor?" writes Vicar Glynn Cardy.

Here's the billboard:

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GOP Tech Tragedy Sends Michael Steele on Wild Porn, Bondage, Commie Ride
Posted by Tana Ganeva on December 16, 2009 at 12:16 PM.

This week, the RNC tried to make the Internet conservative. It was not a resounding success. Instead, a series of hilarious and fairly predictable misfortunes sent a tiny, animated Michael Steele on a wild ride to a bunch of porn, bondage and Communist websites. Here’s what happened, from Wired:

As part of its new media strategy, the Republican party launched a new site called GOP.am on Monday. It’s a URL shortener designed to make it easy for conservative web surfers to exchange links to web pages.

Pranksters almost immediately began using the service to link to controversial or ironically intended websites, such as the official site of the American Communist Party, a bondage website and a webpage advertising a sex toy in the likeness of Barack Obama. GOP.am apparently started blocking such links at some point Tuesday morning, and the GOP.am homepage was taken offline.

[...]

... unlike bit.ly, GOP.am includes a toolbar at the top of the screen that follows users as they click through to see whatever pages the links go to. It also sports an animation of RNC chairman Michael Steele walking around on the lower right as if he’s showing off the website — particularly awkward when that website is the alt.com bondage site. Users of the Balloon-Juice website entertaineLd each other last night by exchanging scores of such links, which have since been blocked.

When I tried to make some porn conservative, the site said the link was broken, so it looks like they're on it. But, here's a screenshot from Balloon Juice if you feel the need to have Michael Steele's enthusiastic approval of your taste in porn: 

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Chuck Norris: Health Reform = Aborted Jesus
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 15, 2009 at 2:00 PM.

Health reform has turned into a giant, confusing clusterfuck (seems the only thing that's clear at this point is that Joe Lieberman is the worst thing that has ever happened to the world.)

Fortunately, a while back someone gave Chuck Norris a column at Town Hall, and today he applies his subtle political mind to the wrangling over abortion coverage in the health care bills. Here's what he thinks about that, in so many words: Democrats are stabbing the tiny wombs of fetuses. Health reform will go back in time and make Mother Mary abort Jesus. The next Jesus will never be born because poor people prefer abortions to stonings, and "Obamacare" will allow them to choose termination over public ridicule and/or death. 

I'm not exaggerating. Here are the relevant passages:

In short, while President Obama was accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn. 

(Yes, the womb of the unborn. They had to use those tiny plastic swords they put in drinks.)

And:

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

He brings up this original argument:

Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women!

Here's a relevant Biblical question lawmakers should ask themselves before they proceed with the bill:

Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

And here's a really good pun:

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Glenn Beck Better Health Care Analyst Than New York Times?
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 9, 2009 at 12:31 PM.

Did you know that progressive lawmakers favor the public option just because they want to stick it to insurance companies? That's what David M. Herszenhorn's super objective reporting on last night's Senate negotiations in the New York Times today basically says:

Supporters of the public option want it to remove the profit motive as an obstacle to medical care, and also to menace the private insurance companies that they generally view as greedy and mean. At times, some lawmakers seemed to favor the public plan simply because private insurers hate the idea.

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Christ in Your Tree? The Newest Weapon Against Evil Atheists Bent on Destroying X-Mas
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 8, 2009 at 4:22 PM.

Because Christmas is a time to ponder excruciating methods of execution ... 

(click for larger version)

The CHRIST-mas tree, created by holiday decor company Boss Creations, is intended as a weapon in the war on Christmas. From Right-Wing Watch:

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Glenn Beck's "Buy Gold!" Hucksterism Pisses Off Fox News
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 8, 2009 at 12:00 PM.

People who rely on Glenn Beck for financial advice may have to find another economist to tell them what to do with their money. Beck, who hawks investing in gold as a survival strategy for when Obama confiscates your guns and the world collapses, also profits from gold company advertising and endorsement deals with gold retailers. Beck's very-trustworthy face graces the website of Goldline International, Inc., with the following endorsement: "Before I started turning you on to Goldline, I wanted to look them in the eye. This is a top notch organization that's been in business since 1960." A video on his website, highlighted by Politico in a great piece about the connection between right-wing personalities and gold retailers, offers this sound financial advice from Beck:

If you’ve been watching for any length of time, and you still haven’t looked into buying gold, what’s wrong with you? I was going to say ‘are you just a reporter for the New York Times?’ but I don’t think they actually watch. They just write about it.

I think you’re nuts. When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

According to a Daily Finance piece, Beck may have breached not only basic journalistic standards, but what counts as basic journalistic standards at Fox news:

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Conservative Group Expels Lou Dobbs for Loving Illegal Immigrants Too Much
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 3, 2009 at 2:43 PM.

Illegal-immigrant lover Lou Dobbs is no longer intolerant enough for the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC, a group that used to think it'd be so awesome if Dobbs were President that they raised $660,000 in pledges to fund his run for office. ALIPAC is mad because the former CNN anchor said he endorsed legalizing undocumented immigrants -- a policy he's previously trashed as "shamnesty" -- in an interview with Telemundo two weeks ago.

"Our internal polling shows that over 70% of our supporters are upset with Mr. Dobbs's comments on Telemundo is support of legalizing illegal aliens. ALIPAC opposes any path to citizenship form of Amnesty for illegal aliens currently in the US," said William Gheen of ALIPAC. "Therefore we are dropping our support for Lou Dobbs and suspending the fan sites we have created."

That includes: Lou Dobbs for President.org, a website previously used to pull funding for Dobbs' Presidential ambitions, which now sports the same shaming press release featured on the AILPAC site; and the Draft Lou Dobbs for President or Senate Facebook page, where former fans can grieve the latest betrayal of regular hard-working Americans. Here are a few:

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Stephen Colbert: Why Doesn't Obama Listen to Glenn Beck and My Little Pony?
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 2, 2009 at 1:00 PM.

Clearly, Obama should listen to the military advice of "My Little Pony," who, like Glenn Beck, believes Obama should commit more troops to Afghanistan. 

Birther Ad Claims Obama Is British 'Usurper'
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on December 1, 2009 at 5:30 AM.

You probably thought the Birther nonsense couldn't get any weirder, dumber or more racially charged, right? Wrong.

From Think Progress:

This latest national edition of the Washington Times features a full-page ad that claims that President Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the United States. The ad was purchased by the anti-Obama website ProtectOurLiberty.org. While the group has placed several birther ads in the Washington Times in recent months, the version that ran this morning contains far more inflammatory imagery — three monkeys, apparently intended to represent the U.S. Congress, courts, and the media:

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Glenn Beck Scoffs at Palin/Beck 2012 Ticket, Doesn't Like Palin's "Yapping"
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on November 26, 2009 at 3:49 PM.

Is your drunk conservative uncle ranting about our fascist President turning America socialist? You could take the classy route and stay quiet until they exhaust their Glenn Beck talking points. Or, you could taunt them with this: apparently the Beck/Palin 2012 ticket, coyly "not ruled out" by Sarah Palin during last week's publicity blitz, is not to be! Beck -- who just last week somberly upbraided Newsweek for running a sexist picture of Palin -- doesn't want to hear her "yapping" as  "I'm not in the kitchen."

How are these two going to make America great again if they can't get along? Does all hope rest with Michele Bachmann?

From Think Progress:

In recent days, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin has indicated that she may be open to a conservative presidential dream ticket in 2012: Palin-Beck (or Beck-Palin). “I can envision a couple of different combinations, if ever I were to be in a position to really even seriously consider running for anything in the future, and I’m not there yet,” Palin told Newsmax. “But Glenn Beck I have great respect for. He’s a hoot.” Fox and Friends plugged the idea yesterday morning and asked Palin whether she would run with Beck. She kept the door open, saying, “I don’t know. We’ll see, we’ll see.”

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Christians Rap About Not Having Sex: 'Gimme That Christian Side Hug!'
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on November 23, 2009 at 4:00 PM.

Abstinence is hard, even when you really love Jesus. That's why seemingly foolproof methods for preserving the virginity of young, unmarried Christians -- like magic purity rings, or having them go on creepy dates with their dads -- seem to make teens have even more premarital sex: a 2009 study found that rates of teen pregnancy are much higher in religious communities, even when lower rates of abortion were accounted for.

But maybe that's just because most efforts to promote abstinence have one fatal flaw: none have a mechanism for ensuring that the genitals of unmarried Christians never align. Fortunately, some rapping youth pastors are on it.

"AWWWW YEAH! Y'all ready to party all up in here?!" yell the mostly white, Christian rappers in a YouTube clip of a live performance. "Gimme that Christian side hug! Gimme that Christian side hug!" they demand, pumping their fists in the air and bouncing a lot, in a very convincing approximation of what black, secular rappers do.

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Buying Sarah Palin's Book Will Help Save Wolves?
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on November 18, 2009 at 6:16 PM.

Sarah Palin's new book may serve a purpose beyond keeping the AP busy and relaunching the hilariously petty sniping between Palin and former McCain campaign aides: it can, counterintuitively, help Alaska's wolves. San Francisco's Green Apple books has announced that %100 of the proceeds from sales of Going Rogue will go to the Alaska Wildlife Federation.  From the bookstore's blog: 

With all due to respect to the Republicans who were as overjoyed as I was (for different reasons, of course) by Sarah Palin's nomination to the McCain ticket last year, Green Apple is donating 100% of the profits from sales of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue: An American Life to the Alaska Wildlife Alliance.

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Terrifying: Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly Freak Show Coming to Your Town
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on November 18, 2009 at 11:21 AM.

Self-proclaimed rodeo clown Glenn Beck and really mean, yelly clown Bill O'Reilly are teaming up and coming to a town near you!

That is, if you're lucky enough to live near Westbury, New York, Tampa, Florida, North Charleston, South Carolina or Norfolk, Virginia. If you live in other places, here's what you'll miss when the "Bold and Fresh" tour, which is probably not intended to sound like an ad for douche, hits the road:

1. Hearing the truth, against your will. The promotional site threatens "Enough is enough -- it's time for the truth from somebody who'll give it to you straight, whether you like it or not."

2. Getting bitten by Bill O'Reilly. Here's the second threat of violence: "And you know how they say that some men's "bark" is worse than their "bite?" With Bill... yeah, not so much. As Bill puts it, "My teeth are in good shape."

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'Hit the Bitch': Domestic Violence PSA Goes Very, Very Wrong
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on November 17, 2009 at 1:15 PM.

A Danish PSA has managed to trivialize domestic violence to a degree unrivaled by our fashion industry, mainstream media and most irritating comedians (and all those people try really hard). HitTheBitch.com gives you a big, meaty hand with which to slap around a scantily dressed model who jabbers at you accusingly in Danish while sad rap music plays in the background. 

With every slap, the model’s face becomes more bruised, and a graphic at the top of the screen marks your progress from Pussy to Gangsta. I’m a pretty big pussy, so I only made it one fourth of the way to Gangsta before I got weirded out and had to stop. But apparently, once you've beaten the crap out of the model, the site totally topples all of your assumptions about intimate partner violence -- you know, that it makes you an offensive stereotype of a black man -- and you are told instead that you are "100% Idiot!"

And teen boys everywhere lean back and thoughtfully consider the relationship between aggressive ideals of masculinity and violence against women.

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