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Wife-Spanking 101: Neither Parody Nor Porn

Posted by Ann Friedman at 4:41 AM on August 24, 2007.


Ann Friedman: What if you wife won't "behave"? Uber-conservative Christian patriarchs everywhere now have a solution!
sparetherod
spanking

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This post, written by Ann Friedman, originally appeared on Feministing

What if your wife, even after graduating the prestigious homemaking course at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary with a degree in ladylike submission, still won't behave? Uber-conservative Christian patriarchs everywhere now have a solution!

Give her a good spanking. For how to incorporate this into your marriage, see the "Christian Domestic Discipline" site. Unlike the Baptists for Brownback campaign Jen wrote about awhile ago, this site appears to be legit. Not a parody.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.
This is billed as completely consensual, with it made clear that "the husband has authority to spank the wife. The wife does not have authority to spank her husband." The site was created by wife-spankers who were sick of stumbling upon porn when they searched for other like-minded folks online. Lest you become confused that the CDD site is a BDSM site with a Christian spin, they're sure to reiterate that this is about adhering to Biblical gender roles -- not about sexual pleasure. Unless you get off on asserting your patriarchy by slapping your property wife. Not an unheard-of phenomenon, as the site acknowledges:
Though we recognize by its very nature this subject can be erotic, we will keep this website as clean and wholesome as possible. However, we will not seek to deny the erotic nature of some CDD marriages as we believe it is a natural consequence of following God's plan. After all, He created eroticism to be enjoyed inside a Christian marriage.
But what if sometimes your wife doesn't want to be spanked? Well, let's not use an inconvenient phrase like "domestic violence" or "spousal abuse." Nah, "non-consensual CDD" would be more appropriate, really. And the site basically says that it's a man's god-given right to hit his wife, even if those pesky laws against domestic violence get in the way.

Non-consensual CDD:

Though we believe the Bible gives a husband the authority to use spanking as one tool in enforcing his authority in the home with or without his wife's permission, in today's world we recognize the legality that mandates that all CDD must be consensual. Therefore we will do not condone nonconsensual CDD as a rule.
How progressive of them!

Click here to read the rest of this post.

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Ann Friedman is an editor at Feministing.


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Different strokes....
Posted by: kwalls on Aug 24, 2007 5:56 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I could never conceive of putting myself in such a relationship as described--particularly after taking a look at the referenced website--but I imagine some folks can live in this manner. After all, other submissive/bondage/SM relationships exist outside of this Christian rationalization for it. I think a quote by Susan B. Anthony says it for me: "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." The scariest thing about Christians is once many of them decide they know what's right, they try to make others bend to their ideas.

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» Oh, please do not... Posted by: JoshuaLudd
» RE: Different strokes.... Posted by: sethmo
Well....
Posted by: JoshuaLudd on Aug 24, 2007 6:21 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Could you really make it any plainer?

I mean, really... could you?

Spank your wife... because you view your wife as a child.

A paternalistic god makes a paternalistic clergy makes a paternalistic government makes a paternalistic husband.

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» RE: Well.... Posted by: Ian MacLeod
Safe Sane Consensual
Posted by: DivaDeb on Aug 24, 2007 6:56 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Well, at least that is the motto for BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sado-Masochism). Safe. Sane. Consensual.

Consensual is the key.

Interesting story:
I am a feminist, yet I enjoy BDSM as a submissive (and love spanking) - but I am a very assertive woman to the public. Nobody suspects. My husband is a bit of a hippy, but he can be dominant when he has to. To be honest, I am disappointed he can't be like that 24/7. I KNOW I am smarter/wiser than him on most things, and he's just too hippy/laid-back to take charge all the time. He works in science.

I don't feel like his property - the whole point is that he's supposed to take good care of me, and show leadership so that I consent to submit. If the guy is an Archie Bunker, who the hell would really want to submit to that? Well, I guess there is some woman who would - Edith Bunker. But, hey, maybe she gets something out of it - a sense of accomplishment, a sense of fulfillment - don't judge too harshly, I'll bet there are some of those wives who misbehave on purpose.

There really is a nice bond and love when engaging in BDSM, to have someone care so much about you, be so attentive, help you when you are having trouble, comfort you oh so gently . . .

I am an athiest, and don't do any of this thinking I'm being a good Christian, but, hey, maybe that is getting someone somewhere off, too? I've met LOTS of Catholics into BDSM - gee, I wonder why . . .

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» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: goeswithness
» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: easter
» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: Ian MacLeod
» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: Ian MacLeod
» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: easter
» RE: Safe Sane Consensual Posted by: easter
naoma
Posted by: Naoma on Aug 24, 2007 7:00 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Utter nonsense! If any man would try to spank me I'd hit him over the head with a skillet (cast iron). As a child I was whipped witha belt and it does not make one "behave" -- only HATE THE person who spanks . . .

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Christian values
Posted by: PJT on Aug 24, 2007 7:12 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Actually your wife is not a child, she is chattel, which is to say, property, like a cow. That is how I read the Bible. "Thou shalt not commit adultery" for instance, in the literal interpretation (is there any other kind) means "thou shalt not violate your neighbor's unmarried daughter so that she becomes damaged goods-- worthless as property."

Hey! What do you expect from Stone Age myth? Kierkegaard? If a woman wants to live her life according to the precepts of Stone Age myth, it's OK with me. This is still a free country. You got a problem with that?

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» It's actually Iron Age myth Posted by: aerdrie
Just for the record...
Posted by: goeswithness on Aug 24, 2007 7:39 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Nowhere in the New Testament does it give men permission to do physical harm to their wives. In fact, although certainly sexist by our standards in terms of sex roles (and what else would you expect considering the time and place) women are never described as less important as human beings or less entitled to respect. So I this movement has no basis in the Bible.

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» RE: Just for the record... Posted by: Ian MacLeod
» RE: Just for the record... Posted by: greed_harms
An Entire Lifetime of Abuse
Posted by: Xynyx on Aug 24, 2007 8:23 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think it is an obvious conclusion that a girl, born with an open mind, a free spirit, a deeply embedded desire to learn and grow... things all babies are born with, needs to be abused and humiliated for the majority of her life in order to conclude, as an adult, that a relationship of this sort is in any way appropriate or acceptable.

Imagine the evil, the darkness in one's heart, necessary to be able to so crush a young girl for her entire life that she accepts that she should submit so wholly to a man... there is no love there. That is sick and twisted.

If there were no child abuse, there would be no such thing as CDD relationships, because no woman with any self-esteem would submit to such an arrangement.

This stuff is just a symptom of chronic abuse of the most severe sort. Eliminate the abuse, and we can eliminate the symptom.

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It says right there that......
Posted by: tap17x on Aug 24, 2007 8:29 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
.............CDD is so much more than just spanking. Well, duh! CCD is also slapping, punching, raping, whatever His Lordship wants to do. As his plain inferior, Little Wifey must obey no matter how stupid and nasty his orders are. This makes for a GREAT marriage, I'm sure. At least for guys whose real desire is to fucklittle girls.

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Just a white sickness!
Posted by: The Big Raven on Aug 24, 2007 9:14 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And as I have been telling my fellow americants BURN your bibles and burn down your churches for you never really use them.
More chistian bullshit forced upon a greedy glutinus racist nation whos only concern is what or who they can own.
And if I tried to spank my wifes ass she would kick my ass.
Peace

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HEY LADIES
Posted by: magiquarian1969 on Aug 24, 2007 10:09 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Nothing like a good old fashioned cast iron skillet to level the playing field. Whoever you are, your spouse does NOT have the "right" to hit you, period! I thought a good marriage was built on equality and mutual respect but apparently "god/fanatic straight men" think it's about beating one into submission. Come on now boys, WWJD? If that's the way they think, they don't deserve a good woman. They deserve living out their lives alone. Trust me ladies, let them know that you WON'T take it, and they'll back off but keep the skillet handy just in case.

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» RE: HEY LADIES Posted by: Roverton
» RE: HEY LADIES Posted by: magiquarian1969
» RE: HEY LADIES Posted by: Ian MacLeod
» RE: HEY LADIES Posted by: Xynyx
» RE: HEY LADIES Posted by: Ian MacLeod
THIS BRAND OF CHURCH...
Posted by: Roverton on Aug 24, 2007 10:17 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
... is a devilish place. Force and lies. The opposite of Christ.

These "religious leaders" are demonic at their core. The lowest things in human form. Their followers' ignorance and pride have been used well against them.

And on the day they awaken to see what they've been manipulated into doing, it will be a harvest of woes.

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Well, sure...
Posted by: Suz on Aug 24, 2007 10:32 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...because everybody knows that when Jesus just couldn't take his disciples' whining bullshit anymore, he just turned them over his knee and spanked them hard. It was for their own good.

"Don't MAKE me come down off this cross!"

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» RE: Well, sure... Posted by: babs
Any man that hits me
Posted by: bettyn on Aug 24, 2007 12:26 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
can expect I'm gonna hit him back...and have him arrested.

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This is really about Evolutionary psychology...
Posted by: Smartcookie on Aug 24, 2007 5:07 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I don't think the author really understands that these women willingly submit themselves to their husbands and allow this, no one is pointing a gun at their heads.

I don't feel sorry for anyone who CHOOSES to be christian or in a relationship with such men and women, and vice versa.

The real issue here is many women like firm dominant guys, some just like their guys more so. They don't want them 'insane' they want guys who are fully in control with a fully controlled violent edge. It's hard-wired, this is where the whole BDSM stuff comes in. As human beings we get off on being both GOOD and EVIL, think of all the times you laugh when someone really makes fun of someone as they verbally attack them.

Tragic comedy is called tragic comedy for a reason: We are hardwired to like it, we get feelings of pleasure, etc from conflict or strong animal persona's.

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typo or loophole?
Posted by: axjxhx on Aug 24, 2007 9:26 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Therefore we will do not condone nonconsensual CDD as a rule.

how many men are going to read "we will" and how many will read "do not"???? "no" is already a problem for some men......

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» The whole qute is scary. Posted by: latteslave
Meant to say quote (nm)
Posted by: latteslave on Aug 24, 2007 10:44 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
nm

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I spent some time on the site and it's scary.
Posted by: latteslave on Aug 24, 2007 10:59 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I went to the linked site and spent some time reading. In the article "Introduction to CDD" there was one section that particularly caught my eye.

"Maintenance spanking is a bit more serious. It is usually administered at regular intervals in the relationship and its purpose might be to punish small infractions over a period of time, remind the submissive to behave, reinforce roles in the relationship, remind the submissive of harsher consequences should they misbehave, and allow the feelings of dominance and submissiveness in the relationship. It is a real spanking, though not usually as harsh as a punishment spanking. It may or may not leave the submissive partner in tears, and it may or may not cause a great deal of pain. It usually begins with a “warm-up”, meaning the partner giving the spanking will begin slowly and build up, which decreases the pain involved. It is also referred to by some as a “good girl spanking.”


It reminded me of Pavlov's experiments where eventually the dog had been punished so much it just sat there and took the electric shock. Granted I have a limited knowledge of psychology, but this seems more like a Master-Slave relationship, rather than a marriage. I don't "Maintenance Discipline" my dog.

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Gray area
Posted by: YogiBear on Aug 26, 2007 11:40 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Even "consensual CCD" could be seen by police as domestic violence under the right circumstances. Some women live in terror of their spouses. They give consent all the time to their abusers.

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Old Testament
Posted by: YogiBear on Aug 26, 2007 11:44 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What is it with these crazy Christians? Anyone ever notice how Old Testament they are? They never cite anything out of the New Testament. It's like they don't know what it's for.

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Why do I have this image in my head?
Posted by: Loe_I_Am_Me on Aug 30, 2007 1:31 PM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Reading all these posts about Christian Conservatives trying to make society into what they believe is the "right way to live" according to the Bible and then all the crap going on in politics regarding corporations, education and whatever else makes me think something's going to happen. Soon.
May I welcome you all to the New Feudal Monarchy.
All you lower classes will soon be herded into a serfdom, the middle class will become the vassels of your Corporate State Kings. Of course, His Majesty will preside over all in his palace in Washington DC.
If we break it down, there's 50 states. Each state gets handed to a major corporation....there's fifty little kingdoms....all answer to DC.
Hmm.
We're going to be controled by the Puritans again, just like when the Pilgrims came over in their funny hats. History's repeating itself.
Is that just fodder for my break-out futuristic novel in the literary world?
Is it really happening?
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

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