Madame Boudoir Satire: Bill Clinton Calls for "No Surprises"

In a no-holds-barred interview with Charlie Rose recently, Bill Clinton said that Democrats who vote for Barack Obama are prepared to "roll the dice" about the future of America. "It's less predictable, isn't it?" he said. He added, "Do we really want to be surprised in the general election? Shouldn't we minimize the surprises?"

Rose might have asked, "Aren't you sitting on the biggest election surprise of all?"

"What's that?" asked Clinton. "New revelations of your womanizing; wouldn't that constitute an election surprise?" asked Rose. "Absolutely not. Everyone knows I play around with other women. Hell, I've been doing it for more than thirty years. This is not a surprise to anyone, especially Hillary, it's just part of the deal.

Hey, I'm a sexy guy. Hillary's a good friend, but with her and my travel schedules, I only see her two days a month anyway. What do you expect me to be, a monk?" queried Clinton.

Clinton added a footnote: "Besides, as funny guy Andy Borowitz has revealed, Obama's a bed-wetter. Lack of experience and bed-wetting won't work in the Oval office. Take the philanderer and his wife: More predictability; fewer surprises." Borowitz himself drew on another "interview" on The Charlie Rose Show to reinforce the "Big Boy Bill" message, where the former president said that those who accuse him of favoritism towards his wife "have got it all wrong, because, you know, Charlie, I've pretty much lived my entire life as if I wasn't married to her at all."

Mr. Clinton added that in order to demonstrate his objectivity about Sen. Clinton's qualifications, he would remove his wedding ring and keep it off for the duration of the campaign.

"As far as I'm concerned, from this day on I'm single," the former president said.