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10 Most Absurd Right-Wing Christian Billboards

What would Jesus do? Remind everyone they're going to hell, clearly.
 
 
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Apparently, when some conservative Christians ask themselves, "What would Jesus do?" the answer they come up with is, "Put up absurd, offensive billboards, preferably reminding passersby they're going to hell."

We've rounded up some of the more controversial billboards that have grabbed headlines lately. 

1. Jesus hates tolerance almost as much as he hates you! billboard in the small town of Clyde, North Carolina doesn't seem to get the difference between verbs and nouns. It asks Coexist (verb)? Tolerate (verb)? Sexual perversion (adjective and noun). But it sure knows what God would say about all three and that's "NO!" Like mortals, God uses all caps when he's angry. This billboard doesn't hide behind that "hate the sin, love the sinner" stuff. This is straight-up, "hate the sin, and refuse to coexist with and tolerate sexual perverts." It's not clear how one goes about doing that. Stoning? 
 
 
Image via  WLOS

2. Jesus is (at least trying) to watch you: Just this past Easter  Sunday, the fire department of Farmington, New Mexico, responded to an act of vandalism. The Roman Catholic Churches of San Juan County had decided to place a billboard with Jesus’ face right outside of an adult book store. Eschewing the cryptic tradition of the parables, the billboard had a more direct message: “Jesus is watching you.”  On Sunday , passersby noticed  something lodged between Jesus’s disapproving eyes: an arrow. Police have still not discovered the identity of the bow and arrow owner. But even if he's not found on this earth, there will be hell to pay later.

Image via  KOB 4

3. Atheism creates war: E.F. Briggs, a reverend, and as you’ll see, amateur logician, put up  this billboard in West Virginia. Briggs makes his intended audience crystal-clear: “Attention: Lunatics Atheists & Their Lawyers.” Then he makes some totally unfounded and nonsensical claims, which he presents as if he were Rene Descartes: “Anti-God is Anti-American. Anti-American is Treason. Traitors Lead to Civil War.” So, basically, if you don’t believe in God, you have the blood of a civil war on your hands. I wonder if Briggs considered the secessionists in the Civil War godless traitors. Something tells me he didn’t. 

Interestingly, the company which placed the billboard, Lamar Billboard Company,  refused to sell billboard space to the DNC. After Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-OH) called decorated veteran and former marine John Murtha (D-PA) a “coward,” the DNC prepared a sign which said, "Shame on You Jean Schmidt.  Stop Attacking Veterans. Keep Your Eye on the Ball—We Need a Real Plan for Iraq." Lamar refused to run the DNC sign because the company doesn’t run “negative ads.” If only the DNC had followed the positive example of Briggs’ kindler and gentler treason-convicting billboard. 

Image via  CafeMom

4. From God’s lips to our… billboard. It looks like lots of Christians are comfortable speaking for God these days. Take this Fort Lauderdale ad  campaign funded by an anonymous donor, which consisted entirely of billboards with quotes that God never uttered in the Bible.  Turns out God isn't a big fan of the whole Big Bang Theory. You'd think he'd want to take credit for it. But apparently not. 

Image via  MarkDraught.com

5. Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there was the magical thing called evolution: God's not the only one totally not impressed by the Big Bang Theory or the whole evolution thing. According to this  billboard in Kansas City, "Evolution is a fairy tale for grownups." Except that it's based on fossils, facts and science, not fantasy. But, yeah. Kinda.  

 
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