Stories by Will Durst

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh,” as well as his one-man show “BoomerAging: From LSD to OMG." subscribe to Will Durst's feed

Posted on: Dec 18, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Usually George writes the annual holiday letter, but with all those resumes piling up on his desk (and a few FBI files too... just kidding!) he asked if I'd do it.

Posted on: Dec 18, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Comfort food is the stuff you need to eat to feel better. The universal quintessence is chicken noodle soup. Certified by nanas of umpteen ancient cultures to contain mystical curative properties.

Posted on: Dec 11, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The amazing thing is a month later and we still don't know whether to order donkey or elephant frosting for the Inaugural Ball cakes.

Posted on: Dec 4, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Winner: Supreme Court. Aaron Spelling rumored preparing hot new series on Fox: "Beneath the Robes" starring Darva Conger as Sandra Day O'Connor, Jude Law as David Souter and Delroy Lindo as Clarence Thomas.

Posted on: Nov 27, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"We stole this election fair and square, and if the shoe were on the other foot, we'd just pack up and go home like good little boys and girls."

Posted on: Nov 13, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"What I don't get is why the vote counting deadlines always have to happen at five pm? Isn't there anybody in the state able to authorize overtime?"

Posted on: Oct 16, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Not New York, New York, that's all I ask. Grapefruit spoons in my eyes, leaded paint chips under my fingernails, but not Mets versus Yankees.

Posted on: Oct 9, 2000, Source: AlterNet

A brief excerpt from "Dear Mr. Cheney," a column of Dick's trademark kinder, gentler advice.

Posted on: Sep 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

So the deal is, there's less than two months left before the presidential election. That's the good news. The bad news is one of these squeeze bags is going to win.

Posted on: Sep 17, 2000, Source: AlterNet

If your idea of getting away from it all is leaning your head against the carpeting on the side of your cubicle while on hold, you might be working too hard. Take Durst's test to find out.

Posted on: Sep 11, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Just when you thought it was safe to settle down with a tub of fried chicken the size of a sofa bed to watch the Olympics, now comes a sudden wave of the Bushqualms. According to one of the "a--holes" at the New York Times, high level supporters are worried Dubyah has recently seemed either "defensive, bumbling, weary, detached or peevish."

Posted on: Aug 22, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Why do 3rd party candidates actually spend the time and money and energy to run? Consider this: an Ebola Virus laden buffet at the Presidential debates at St. Louis University attended by both halves of the Republican and Democratic tickets. Could mean a fight to the finish between Nader and Buchanan.

Posted on: Aug 14, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The competition between Democratic and Repbulican nominating conventions is a lot like a baseball game, in which the party in power is the home team.

Posted on: Aug 7, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"Maybe we've become too cynical. Maybe we're concentrating on the too too slight differences between the candidates and not enough on the similarities that make them leaders among men, and sons among Senators."

Posted on: Jul 31, 2000, Source: AlterNet

*When you see two guys in a stall together, they're exchanging stock tips. *Odds that women have shaved their legs is very high.

Posted on: Jul 30, 2000, Source: WorkingForChange.com

See Dick quibble about voting against releasing Nelson Mandela from prison. Or the ERA. Or cop-killing bullets ...

Posted on: Jul 24, 2000, Source: AlterNet

* "How To Speak Texican" airport book to figure out what the hell George W's Texas Ranger security detail is saying. * Scaffolding in case I get conscripted to groom Ted Koppel's hair.

Posted on: Jul 24, 2000, Source: AlterNet

So how the hell does this work? Dick Cheney heads up George W Bush's search for a running mate and guess what? The final choice is Dick Cheney. What are the odds?

Posted on: Jul 17, 2000, Source: AlterNet

They're spraying the streets of the Midwest with out of control hoses to celebrate the price of gas dropping thirty four cents a gallon since the Feds announced they're going to investigate who or what is responsible for the rapid ascent in gas prices.

Posted on: Jul 17, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The papers called reaction to Bush's speech to the NAACP Convention "luke warm," the same way they'd refer to the appearance of a volcano in the middle of pre school playground as "inconvenient."

Posted on: Jul 3, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Why do I keep imagining a remake of the Sorcerer's Apprentice starring Janet Reno as Mickey Mouse and Microsoft as the broom?

Posted on: Jun 26, 2000, Source: AlterNet

If there's one thing we baby boomers have seamlessly integrated into our generational personality, its drugs.

Posted on: Jun 26, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"It ain't easy being Green, but its a whole lot easier being a talking frog than it's going to be as Presidential nominee of the Green Party. As Ralph Nader is about to find out."

Posted on: Jun 19, 2000, Source: AlterNet

This year PBS held its annual national convention at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, Tennessee. Does this make the teensiest bit of sense to anybody?

Posted on: Jun 19, 2000, Source: AlterNet

In his search for a running mate, George W Bush is sending out background questionnaires to prospects, which include such questions as: "Complete this statement. Women: A) Should be seen barefoot and pregnant but not heard, B) Are best served with lemon butter and capers, or C) Deserve to be executed just like normal people."

Posted on: Jun 12, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Al Gore is being accused of being a slumlord. Who of us never thought he looked a little beady around the eyes?

Posted on: Jun 12, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"Gas prices in Chicago have risen to around $2.15 a gallon. Add that to the rising cost of housing and you have to ask yourself: how long before the Tokyo Chamber of Commerce starts recruiting people to enjoy their lower cost of living?"

Posted on: Jun 6, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"This can't be good. The top three finishers in the 73rd Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee were all home schooled. Which means they do not go to public school, nor do they go to private school, but rather to the privatist of all schools."

Posted on: Jun 6, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Will Durst interprets the 10 Commandments of Politics, including, "There are no winners in politics. Only losers who haven't hit the Finish Line yet."

Posted on: May 29, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"The NRA plans to open a theme restaurant in Times Square tentatively titled 'NRA Sports Blast.' Now, I can figure out what the 'sports' part signifies, it's the 'blast' component that intrigues me."

Posted on: May 29, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"After relentlessly pursuing ABC on his daily radio show for weeks, Rush Limbaugh auditioned to become the new announcer on Monday Night Football. What a great idea. A stadium is much better suited to accommodating the ego of Jabba the Talk Show Host."

Posted on: May 22, 2000, Source: AlterNet

A recent Supreme Court ruling about sex on cable TV means one simple thing: Boobies! All the time, anytime, of any day.

Posted on: May 22, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Turns out our Ministry of Foreign Relations has more leaks than an umbrella made out of perforated jellyfish entrails.

Posted on: May 15, 2000, Source: AlterNet

George W loves his new secret plan to save Social Security -- all the excitement of taking a stand without any of the messy details.

Posted on: May 15, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The Million Moms met the Second Amendment Sisters for the Mother's Day public relations shoot out at the DC Corral on gun control, and the result was pretty much a draw.

Posted on: May 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Pets.com sued Late Night With Conan O'Brien for defaming the company's sock puppet, proving once again that corporations without senses of humor should not be allowed to feature comedic ad campaigns.

Posted on: May 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The Actors Guild just announced its first strike in 12 years. Pretty funny, coming from a group of people who face a 95 percent unemployment rate.

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"Gary Bauer's Primary Day Schedule: 8:00: dig up graveyard looking for fetuses ... 12:00: spank naughty boys at Concord Orphanage ... 7:00: victory party in old Photomat booth near airport."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"Dateline: Virginia, August 31, 2004. Tobacco companies boosted wholesale prices by another 75 cents a pack on Monday, in part to pay off the trillion dollar Asian health care settlement reached last week, and in part to increase their profits to around $14 a pack."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"Estimates say that 25 to 40 percent of bottled water is just repackaged municipal tap water. 'Pure as an alpine spring,' as long as you understand that spring might be runoff from a toxic waste dump laced with arsenic."

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