Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh,” as well as his one-man show “BoomerAging: From LSD to OMG."
Winner: Supreme Court. Aaron Spelling rumored preparing hot new series on Fox: "Beneath the Robes" starring Darva Conger as Sandra Day O'Connor, Jude Law as David Souter and Delroy Lindo as Clarence Thomas.
Just when you thought it was safe to settle down with a tub of fried chicken the size of a sofa bed to watch the Olympics, now comes a sudden wave of the Bushqualms. According to one of the "a--holes" at the New York Times, high level supporters are worried Dubyah has recently seemed either "defensive, bumbling, weary, detached or peevish."
Why do 3rd party candidates actually spend the time and money and energy to run? Consider this: an Ebola Virus laden buffet at the Presidential debates at St. Louis University attended by both halves of the Republican and Democratic tickets. Could mean a fight to the finish between Nader and Buchanan.
"Maybe we've become too cynical. Maybe we're concentrating on the too too slight differences between the candidates and not enough on the similarities that make them leaders among men, and sons among Senators."
They're spraying the streets of the Midwest with out of control hoses to celebrate the price of gas dropping thirty four cents a gallon since the Feds announced they're going to investigate who or what is responsible for the rapid ascent in gas prices.
In his search for a running mate, George W Bush is sending out background questionnaires to prospects, which include such questions as: "Complete this statement. Women: A) Should be seen barefoot and pregnant but not heard, B) Are best served with lemon butter and capers, or C) Deserve to be executed just like normal people."
"Gas prices in Chicago have risen to around $2.15 a gallon. Add that to the rising cost of housing and you have to ask yourself: how long before the Tokyo Chamber of Commerce starts recruiting people to enjoy their lower cost of living?"
"This can't be good. The top three finishers in the 73rd Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee were all home schooled. Which means they do not go to public school, nor do they go to private school, but rather to the privatist of all schools."
"After relentlessly pursuing ABC on his daily radio show for weeks, Rush Limbaugh auditioned to become the new announcer on Monday Night Football. What a great idea. A stadium is much better suited to accommodating the ego of Jabba the Talk Show Host."
"Dateline: Virginia, August 31, 2004. Tobacco companies boosted wholesale prices by another 75 cents a pack on Monday, in part to pay off the trillion dollar Asian health care settlement reached last week, and in part to increase their profits to around $14 a pack."
"Estimates say that 25 to 40 percent of bottled water is just repackaged municipal tap water. 'Pure as an alpine spring,' as long as you understand that spring might be runoff from a toxic waste dump laced with arsenic."