Stories by Will Durst

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new CD, “Elect to Laugh,” as well as his one-man show “BoomerAging: From LSD to OMG." subscribe to Will Durst's feed

Posted on: Jun 6, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Will Durst interprets the 10 Commandments of Politics, including, "There are no winners in politics. Only losers who haven't hit the Finish Line yet."

Posted on: May 29, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"The NRA plans to open a theme restaurant in Times Square tentatively titled 'NRA Sports Blast.' Now, I can figure out what the 'sports' part signifies, it's the 'blast' component that intrigues me."

Posted on: May 29, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"After relentlessly pursuing ABC on his daily radio show for weeks, Rush Limbaugh auditioned to become the new announcer on Monday Night Football. What a great idea. A stadium is much better suited to accommodating the ego of Jabba the Talk Show Host."

Posted on: May 22, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Turns out our Ministry of Foreign Relations has more leaks than an umbrella made out of perforated jellyfish entrails.

Posted on: May 22, 2000, Source: AlterNet

A recent Supreme Court ruling about sex on cable TV means one simple thing: Boobies! All the time, anytime, of any day.

Posted on: May 15, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The Million Moms met the Second Amendment Sisters for the Mother's Day public relations shoot out at the DC Corral on gun control, and the result was pretty much a draw.

Posted on: May 15, 2000, Source: AlterNet

George W loves his new secret plan to save Social Security -- all the excitement of taking a stand without any of the messy details.

Posted on: May 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Pets.com sued Late Night With Conan O'Brien for defaming the company's sock puppet, proving once again that corporations without senses of humor should not be allowed to feature comedic ad campaigns.

Posted on: May 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet

The Actors Guild just announced its first strike in 12 years. Pretty funny, coming from a group of people who face a 95 percent unemployment rate.

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"First Al moves his campaign headquarters to Nashville, then Hillary moves out so fast she leaves skid marks I just hope Bill doesn't get a complex out of this. All this on the heels of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda splitting up."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

"The Kansas State Board of Education took two webbed foot steps backwards by deleting every reference to evolution in their science curriculum. Then they sprouted gills jumped into a tar pit and waited for their momentum to carry them back into single cell bliss."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Q. Why were all western journalists ordered out of Yugoslavia? A. To the mind not conditioned through a lifetime of freedom of the press, journalists are considered ravenous out of control carrion eating parasites who will shamelessly pervert the truth for the sake of building readers. Q. Just like over here, hunh? A. Pretty much, yeah.

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Durst writes: "To say the Irish drink, is like saying nitroglycerine is a bad substance to fill overhanging crib mobiles with. This is the country where the swimmer, Michele Smith, was suspected of blood doping because her urine had enough whiskey in it to kill a small hippopotamus."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: AlterNet

Durst writes: "You want to know why people are cynical these days? Why they tend to trust their average fellow human about as far as you could throw a Chrysler Le Baron Convertible? ... Because crap which we all know to be more useless than a roll bar in a helicopter is hyped and plugged and advertised as God's gift to plastic happy consumers."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: deleted

Will Durst writes, "The Senate killed campaign finance reform again. Trent Lott, the new Senate Majority Leader, told his peers the legislation 'is too important to address right at this point in the heat of the national election campaign,' which is like saying 'the wearing of a condom is too important to address because sex is imminent'."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: deleted

Durst writes, "Sometimes I think our government is so stuck in the 1930's, they should all be wearing spats. They refuse to accept that pot can be used as a cheap effective medicine. For crum's sake, it grows in the ground; when's the last time you got a Pina Colada off the cocktail tree?If it's bad for you, doesn't that mean God screwed up? Their little refrain has gotten more tiresome than a 24 hour Michael Bolton station."

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: deleted

Durst writes, "Newt Gingrich, the Dennis Rodman of politics, was severely spanked with a reprimand by the full House on a 395 to 28 vote, and he's been ordered to pay a $300,000 fine. He's the first Speaker ever to receive a reprimand, although it is generally assumed former Speaker Jim Wright would have gotten one if he hadn't RETIRED first, pushed out by the very same Newt Gingrich. Ain't life odd?"

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: deleted

Will Durst compares the presidential debates to that of a heavyweight fight. He writes, "You could cut the excitement with a soggy bar coaster in Hartford, Connecticut's Bushnell Theatre, site of the first of two preliminary bouts leading up to the Heavyweight Championship of The Free World. The challenger, looking remarkably fit, ignored the defending champ's trademark swagger, and started the bout with a series of body blows that, truth be told, wouldn't have tested a West Virginia state Assembly 'also ran.'"

Posted on: Apr 25, 2000, Source: deleted

Durst gets angry over the flak Clinton has taken for his third trimester abortion veto.

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