Stories by Eileen Jones

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The Horror of HBO's "Girls"

Posted on May 3, 2012, Source: eXiled Online

The mumblecore cancer has spread.

The Hunger Games: Don't Fall for the Fluff of the Season's Most-hyped Film

Posted on Mar 30, 2012, Source: eXiled Online

Let's consider this fat sloppy hit film The Hunger Games. Frankly, as a film, it's nothing to tweet about.

Pirates of the Caribbean for Dummies -- How One Director Can Sink a Pretty Good Movie Series

Posted on May 24, 2011, Source: eXiled Online

It's a great film education watching Rob Marshall, the director replacing Gore Verbinski, wreck the Pirates franchise in one go.

Why Treat Hollywood Flick 'Bridesmaids' Like a Feminist Triumph? It's Just Not That Good

Posted on May 17, 2011, Source: eXiled Online

Bridesmaids is apparently a big deal. If we don’t all go see it, there will never be another movie made about women again. Or something like that.

Thor: Don't Kill Yourself Over It

Posted on May 10, 2011, Source: eXiled Online

The latest superhero 'biopic' reinforces great shocker that Hollywood's only in it for the money

'Rango': A Cartoon Movie for Kids That Doesn't Sugar Coat Reality

Posted on Mar 10, 2011, Source: eXiled Online

Rango has put the fangs back into children’s entertainment.

The Pursuit of Happiness: Why Charlie Sheen and Two And A Half Men Are A Reflection of America

Posted on Mar 1, 2011, Source: eXiled Online

Libertine elites or boozy couches -- this is us.

The Coen Brothers' True Grit: Putting John Wayne to Shame

Posted on Dec 29, 2010, Source: eXiled Online

Critics need to chill about the Coens' lack of proximity to the original film, and see the new version for the great work it is.

Has F/X Hit the Jackpot With Racy New Animated Series 'Archer'?

Posted on Feb 16, 2010, Source: eXiled Online

It's a spoof of the James Bond-type spy genre, which doesn't sound too good, but never underestimate what Adam Reed of Sealab 2021 can do with moldy genre spoofs.

'Inglourious Basterds': If You Survive the Boring Parts of Quentin Tarantino's New Film, It's Actually Really Good

Posted on Aug 29, 2009, Source: eXiled Online

It's all eye-poppingly impressive, and the relentlessness of it will still make you want it to stop as you head deep into hour three.

Whoa, 'District 9' Is a Really Good Sci-Fi Action Flick

Posted on Aug 18, 2009, Source: eXiled Online

There are a couple of strokes of genius in District 9 that renew hopes for the future of genre film.

Harry Potter and the Blah-Di-Blah-Blah

Posted on Jul 20, 2009, Source: eXiled Online

So Harry Potter, the latest one. How many more to go? Only two? Well, good, that means they'll finish up before the kids turn 30.

Up: This Time, Pixar Has Gone Too Far

Posted on Jun 3, 2009, Source: eXiled Online

Pixar, the inheritor of Disney's cheesy style, has been pushed to dangerously high glucose levels with their new animated film.

Oliver Stone's "W." -- A Catastrophe Worthy of the Worst President

Posted on Oct 22, 2008, Source: eXiled Online

You can practically feel Oilver Stone sitting behind you, breathing on the back of your neck and willing you to see the brilliance of his vision.

Will Smith's 'Hancock' Fiasco

Posted on Jul 5, 2008, Source: AlterNet

"Hancock" is supposed to be a wry commentary on the pressure of being Will Smith, but the message gets lost in a big-budget Hollywood train wreck.

If You Like Apocalypse Flicks, You Might Like Shyamalan's 'The Happening'

Posted on Jun 16, 2008, Source: AlterNet

M. Night Shyamalan's latest film is about an airborne mystery toxin that causes people to kill themselves -- and it's not bad.

Indiana Jones: Is Spielberg Too Rich and Famous to Be Good Anymore?

Posted on May 26, 2008, Source: AlterNet

Spielberg's inventiveness fails a half-hour into the latest Indiana Jones, but the rest of the movie coasts on its zillion-dollar budget.

'Prince Caspian': Sugarpuff Christian Propaganda Dressed Up As a Dark Children's Movie

Posted on May 19, 2008, Source: AlterNet

This movie is so long, so slow, so cheesy, so pumped full of phony computer graphics that there's nothing to stop it from making a billion dollars.

Gitmo Injustices Get Satirical Treatment From Harold & Kumar

Posted on Apr 26, 2008, Source: AlterNet

The iconic teens come face to face with the injustices at Gitmo -- and young audiences are going to eat it up.

'Stop Loss': Patriotic Bluster Dressed up As a Protest Movie

Posted on Apr 2, 2008, Source: The eXile

'Ah signed up thinkin' Ah was goin' there fer mah country.' Hayseed accents can't hide the film's glamorization of war.
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