Stories by Mad Dog
"Rhode Island has adopted a tourism mascot, and not surprisingly it's Mr. Potato Head. The reason is that Hasbro, which makes the popular tater toy, is based in Pawtucket. It's a good thing the Big O Vibrator Company isn't headquartered in Providence."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Canada, for those of you who slept through four years of geography, is the big country to the north of the United States that Bob and Doug McKenzie made famous. It encompasses 3,849,674 square miles and is inhabited by 427 people, putting it on par with the Atlantic Ocean. The good thing about it is it keeps the Arctic glaciers out of Minnesota. The bad thing is that it's too much like the United States, and I say that in only the most derogatory way."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"There are three things that separate us from animals. First, we use toilet paper. Second, we're the only ones that complain about people e-mailing us unfunny jokes, then turn around and forward them to all our friends. And third, we get plastic surgery."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"The census is coming. This is the once a decade head count which is the adult equivalent of sitting in class yelling "Here!" when the teacher calls your name. Unlike school, though, they won't send a note home to your parents if you don't answer the questions. Instead they'll come to your house and be more persistent than a minivan full of Jehovah's Witnesses, especially if you scratched out your name and penciled in "Dick Hertz."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"According to Variety there were 332 entertainment awards ceremonies last year, which is up from a measly 252 the previous year. That's nearly one awards ceremony a day. This means 332 chances to see glamorous stars wear dresses that have less chance of holding up than the current economic boom, which we now know is largely being supported by Jennifer Lopez's mass purchases of double-sided tape."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
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