What Falwell Really Meant

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians ... the A.C.L.U., People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'"

-- Jerry Falwell, September 13th, on The 700 Club about last week's terrorist attacks

"I sincerely regret that comments I made ... were taken out of their context."

-- Jerry Falwell, September 14

Nine Possible Contexts:

1. "...NOT."

2. "You know, I'm really high right now, so this may not make any sense, but..."

3. "Keeping in mind that today is Opposites Day, I emphasize that..."

4. "My son showed me this cool thing on Alta Vista, where you type something in English and then have the computer translate it into French and then into Spanish and then into German and then back to English-it's kinda like 'Telephone,' you know?-and something that made sense at the beginning will come out sounding like..."

5. "If an infinite number of monkeys typed on an infinite number of typewriters, one of them would write..."

6. "I want to take a break from the grim events of this week, and salute the brave people who've spent years making America a better and more tolerant place. Who's done this, who's helped this happen? Well, I'll tell you: ..."

7. "An insane man off camera is pointing a gun at my head and forcing me to read this statement. Quote,..."

8. "Please join me in praying that, in the wake of this horrific tragedy, Christ's message of peace will prevail, our entire country can unite in compassion, not aggression, and that no misguided person will state..."

9. "I truly believe that if Osama bin Laden had been born in America, right now he'd be saying..."