comments_image Comments

7 Things I Want My Son to Know About Porn

"I would be failing in my duty as a parent, guide, and woman if I did not share the following information with you—information that has the power to greatly impact your future sex life."
 
 
Share
 

This originally appeared on  Mamamia. Republished here with permission.

To my darling son,

I know this is not a conversation any boy wants to have with his mom at any age, so I’m going to let you off the hook. Sort of.

By writing you this letter, I’m going to spare you from having a face-to-face conversation with me about sex. Or more specifically, about porn.

But it’s a conversation we must have nonetheless.

I would be failing in my duty as a parent, guide, and woman if I did not share the following information with you—information that has the power to greatly impact your future sex life. And your relationships. So listen carefully. This is important.

First of all, I know you’ve watched porn. Probably a lot of it. I struggled with this at first. Nobody wants to imagine their child watching strangers having crazy sex.

But I’ve come to accept that the world is different now and from the moment we gave you access to a smartphone and your own computer, it was inevitable that you’d see porn.

This makes me sad, but not for the reason you might think. There’s nothing wrong with sex and there’s nothing wrong with being interested in it. For me, this is not a moral question. I’m upset because I think watching porn has the potential to affect your own sexual experiences in a really negative way. And it’s not just me. Men who  watch a lot of porn have trouble enjoying real sex with real women. And I don’t want you to be that guy—not for yourself or for your partners.

I truly wish you and your generation could have been free to embark on your sex lives free from all the hardcore, soulless, sexist imagery of porn. I wish you could all have had the chance to explore it organically, with all the surprises, the thrills and even the spills. Without expectations or preconceptions. That’s the way it used to be back in the old days. For us, sex was a wonderful, sometimes awkward experience of discovery. Lots of fumbling and bumbling and working it out as you went along.

Today, though, by the time you and your friends have sex, you’ll almost certainly have seen hundreds of hours of porn stars going at it in many, many different ways. This will be the visual wallpaper in your mind as you explore your own sexuality and that’s truly unfortunate.

I understand that the porn genie can’t be put back in the bottle. Your generation is a product of our time and you’re all in the same boat. So I guess you’ll all figure it out.

However, there are a few important things you need to know. I don’t think anyone else is going to tell you these things so here they are. Remember them.

1. Porn is not real sex. Most of what you see online is commercially produced sex. These are people having sex for money. It’s their job. Just like models in advertisements aren’t representative of what regular people look like and Call Of Duty isn’t representative of actual war, neither is porn the same as sex.

2. Do not compare yourself to the men you see in porn. Male porn stars are chosen for their giant penises and their ability to maintain erections for a really long time. Sometimes they use drugs like Viagra to do this. Other times, the video is edited to make it look like one continuous sex session when it’s not. They are also usually always hairless and without pubic hair. This is for the express purpose of close-ups not because all women prefer hairless men.

 
See more stories tagged with: