7 Signs You Have a Mediocre Sex Life and Just Don't Know It
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After a two year relationship, I recently became single this summer, something that stuck out to me was that during my two years with my ex-boyfriend, I thought we were having “good” sex. Maybe the fact I got off once every two months made me happy, I told myself this was normal. In hindsight, it was not normal. This summer I met someone new and embarked on a crazy and wild sexual adventure. Having actual mind-blowing sex will make you look back on your old sex partners and think, “why did I settle for that when I could have had this?” Bad sex is pretty easy to realize, but mediocre sex is elusive. I think the reason is that a lot of mediocre sex involves feeling good, but never actually peaking to what you wish it would be.
[Here are 7 signs that things could be better in the bedroom.]
1.You think about other things.
I’m not talking mild thoughts like “shit, did I leave the oven on?”. I’m talking planning out your next essay or tomorrow’s outfit while you are literally being thrusted back and forth. Throughout sex with my ex, I constantly found my mind wandering to my to-do list, my goals, and mundane things that happened to me that day, but rarely ever lived in the moment and focused on the sexual experience itself. While everyone has bad days and it’s easy to get wrapped in your own problems, if this is happening often it’s a red flag.
2.You count the minutes until it’s over
Instead of lavishing in the sexual experience and feeling a deep connection with another person, you are counting down the minutes and your inner monologue sounds something like “Will you please just climax already! American Horror Story comes on in five minutes!”
3.You get dressed immediately after
Your most private parts have just been immersed in another person’s most private parts, but after sex, you find yourself reaching for your bra, t-shirt, or boxers to cover up your exposed and naked body. This is a major red flag because it shows your lack of comfort with the individual. If you can only be naked around them during sex there is some lack of confidence in yourself but also in how they make you feel. If you feel compelled to put on your clothes immediately after, think to yourself what it would be like to lay naked with this person for twenty minutes. If it makes your skin crawl, then you are wasting your time. Good sex requires a deep level of comfort and understanding. If you’re scared to be naked around someone how will you ever open yourself up to a level that allows you to experience even greater sexual pleasure?
4.You only get off in a certain position
For me, my mediocre sex usually started with about two minutes of missionary that then led to doggy style. Sadly, I would get excited because once I flipped over to doggy I knew it would be over soon. Doggy style was the only way my ex could get off. While I found some personal red flags in this one, it says a lot about the sex you are having. While some positions feel better than others, good sex allows you to be open enough to test new positions. Even if trying new positions means you might not get off, you still want to share the experience and experimentation with your sexual partner. The Kama Sutra exists for a reason, and trust me, no one wants to have to take it doggy style the rest of their life.