10 Hilariously Stupid S&M Sex Tips from Cosmo -- Why Lame Mags Should Stay Out of Kink
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7. "As you're riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers, and pull on them to rock yourself forward and backward."
Pro-tip: if you're new to this game, stick with the sturdy body parts — like butts and chests — and be a little more delicate if you're going for the ears, eyes, or testicles. That stuff's not off-limits (in theory), but given that you may already be holding a fork in this scenario, it seems wise to err on the side of caution.
8. "Quiz him — what's your favorite flower, movie, etc. — and if he gets it right, he's earned ten seconds of oral. Wrong and you drizzle candle wax (use a massage candle, which won't burn) on his chest."
At first glance, this sounds fun — a little power-play, and some of that gold standard of the bodice-ripper: candle wax. At second glance, it starts to seem a little less fun: you're now actively punishing your partner for his inability to memorize your favorite flower. And that's a little less transgressive and a little more regressive. ("Slave, do you ever listen to me?")
9. "Out at dinner, massage him over his pants - stop when he becomes hard. You want him to squirm throughout the meal like a two-year-old who needs to pee."
No, stop. Cut it out. Restaurants are places full of people working and eating who have not consented to be part of your sex games. And yes, everyone can see. Oh, and conflating over-the-pants stealth handies with the image of a "two-year old who needs to pee" is just... ew.
10. "Put a bunch of (clean!) loose change in the freezer for an hour. Tell him to slick your vulva with warming lube, then cover it with coins (outside only!). The cold against the warm? Incredible."
I've been bouncing this one around in my head for a couple days, and I think I have to give respect where it's due: the level of specificity, coupled with the dirty-Martha-Stewart intensity of actually washing coins (at least an hour before sex!) is just sublime. They're really swinging for the fences here. Now, will it actually be pleasurable? Who wants to slather up their vulva with warming lube, then dot it with frozen coins and get back to me?
Want even more BDSM tips from Cosmo? Head as fast as your Master allows over to Nervefor more Cosmo gems.